Spring is Near

The windows are open, and spring is in the air. It has been a long, hard winter. Between economic woes, uncertainty at work, and random other factors, I am more than happy to see the end of winter.

Spring is a time of rebirth, renewal, and growth. All of these things are a part of, or participate in change. I could really use some change for the better right now, even, perhaps, rebirth. My own personal growth has been rather stunted as of late. Several of my former co-workers started Grad school for MBA's. More and more I've been envying them. My previous position was very stable, to the point of stagnation. Rebirth, renewal, growth. Change.

I am filled with worry about the future, as to whether I can find a job soon, and continue to make my mortgage payment, but if I do find a new job soon, this could be one of the best things that's happened to me in a while. (My marriage being the other.)

Growth.

Change.

Spring is here, and it's about damn time.

Some Simple Updates

I appologize again, to the zero people reading this blog, that I haven't been updating. Really, there hasn't been all that much going on. That is not to say there have not been a few points of interest:

I've attended my first seminar/session/whatever at with Right Management, a transition service that my previous employer contracted to help those that were laid off. The first session was Career Assessment. Prior to attending the class, I had to take the Myers-Briggs, and do a value assessment exercise. The result were rather interesting. I have taken the Myers-Briggs before, and the results changed since the last time I took it. Previously, I came up as a classic Engineer. This time, I tested as a ISFJ, "The Protector", most apt to health care, and LEAST apt for Engineering and Computers. I think it is a reflection of the issues I had with my previous employment, and not an indication that I am not fit for my chosen career path.

Also interesting, is that my wife, who was four credits short of a Master's in Clinical Psychology, had never heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. There were other tests that she specialized in, which I understand. Certain schools will prefer different tests over others. What I find confusing is that she had never had the test discussed in class. Even if you didn't want your students to use a particular test, wouldn't you at least cover the test to discuss its weaknesses, and explain why you don't want them to use it? Odd.

I am finally playing along with the Game Club at Eat-Sleep-Game, previously 1UP FM's backlog. I've been meaning to play for some time, but this time I actually ran across a copy of the game for a bargain before they started discussing it. The game, which is Rockstar's Bully, is pretty much, from what I can tell, classic GTA formula in a different setting. I'm not big fan of GTA. I haven't played a GTA since the first one, where I had fun torching Hari Karishnas with a flame thrower, and watching my roommate going on a cop-killing spree till here were none left in the city. (Don't think I don't know how bad that sounds, but the first GTA was pretty abstract.) I've seen people play others, but they never really appealled to me.

Some thoughts on the game:
1) I'm not sure how I feel about the mission-based structure yet. I've not been a big fan of it in the past, with other games. Jak 2 was partly the reason for this. Jak and Daxter was a competent platformer, and 2 had such an artificial grafting of mission based structure and dark, angsty story that I stopped playing really early. We'll see what happens here.
2) Save Algie. Dear God, why an escort mission? I hated them in X-Wing, I hated them in Tie Fighter, and an escort mission was the OTHER reason I stopped playing Jak 2.
3) Why is every person in the school a psychopath? I'm walking along, minding my own bi'ness, and some jerk hits me from behind, out of the blue. What did I ever do to you? Why do people try to beat me up for no apearant reason, even in the middle of the school, with prefects standing right there?

More later, as the game progresses.

And Time Marches On

So, it has been two and a half weeks since the Great Job Massacre, and I haven't exactly been idle in that time. I've re-activated my Monster account, opened a Career Builder account, filed for unemployment, and registered with Michigan Works. I've applied for about eight jobs so far, and no calls. I suppose I'm being a bit impatient. It's silly to think that in this economy, in this area, another job is going to pop up immediately after what loosing the last one meant. Still, it's discouraging.

I shouldn't be surprised, I suppose. When I graduated from college in '99, it took me almost six months to find a job. At the time, I chalked it up to the time of year I graduated (December). I figured that everyone was looking for new hires around normal graduation time in May. Sure enough, I didn't land a job till May.

Now, as then, however, that little voice in the back of my head keeps saying, 'Maybe it's YOU. Maybe you're just a bad engineer!'

Regardless, I have to keep going, and tell that voice to go fark itself. Still, the doubts are there.

In Between

I've been in an odd place since I lost my job. I guess this is not surprising. I'm in an in between place where I'm having trouble moving forward, even though I know it's REALLY important to get moving right now. I've looked into some options, and there are some interesting opportunities available to me.

Michigan Works will train me in a presumed growing field. I was happy being an engineer, but perhaps I do need a change.

In the meantime, my previous employer has paid for two months for me at a company called Right Management, which will help me write my resume, give me practice interviewing, and look at my different options if I want to switch careers.

Between the two, I'm seriously thinking of giving up this whole engineering thing. It's an odd thought. For almost 8.75 yrs of working, and 4.5 yrs of schooling, I defined myself by the title of engineer. It wasn't just what I did, it was who I was. Now that may not be the case anymore.

I know this may be silly to you. Why would someone define themselves so closely with what they do? I don't think it's unusual for engineers, though.

For now I'm an engineer. Tomorrow? Who knows.

Here's to the Fallen

I finished the last post, and realized that I overlooked one of the things I really wanted to do, and that is recognize those people who I knew who lost their jobs on Wed.

So, to Greg, Rayyan, Brian, Joel, Kendra, and especially David, those special few I knew out of the approximately 300 who, like me, lost their jobs, and to Will, Sara, Helene, and Jeremy, those smart few who took the damn buyout and walked away with more money, here's to you all. Good luck in all your endeavors.

Cheers.

And so falls the axe.

In my neck.

As I'm sure all of the zero people reading this blog were wondering, yes, last Wednesday the dreaded layoffs did occur, and so, as of about 1:30, Feb 18th, I am unemployed. Yup, my number came up.

The word that kept coming up in all of this was 'bloodbath'. Many fine people were let go.

I am dreadfully depressed by this. I keep trying to remind myself that it is not personal, and that my manager probably knew nothing about this. After all, on Tues, after attending a presentation to one of our customers that I had a large part in, he asked me how I would feel about going to Japan for training. Just 24 hrs later, the point is moot.

Now I have the eminent pleasure of trying to find an Engineering job in SE Michigan, when Ford, GM, and Chrysler are laying off Engineers in droves.

I have worked there just under 9 yrs. My resume had a layer of dust on it an inch thick, and I've completely forgotten how to write my objective.

All is not lost, of course. Friends and family have all reached out to make sure I knew that I wasn't alone in this. With my wife working, a meager severance, some unemployment from the state, and a bit of luck, we might make it through this, even keeping the house.

I must admit I'm a bit scared. Too much can go wrong, and this isn't the economy to be job searching in.

More as it develops.

Ready, Aim, Misfire?

Thursday was rumored to be the day the cuts were happening. This turned out not to be true. I am getting very sick of not knowing what's going on. The company has released no new memos, no communication, no nothing. We have no idea if there are even going to be more cuts, after they extended the voluntary buyout. Instead we have rumors and paranoia. The rumor now is that there will be pay cuts.

Today was the last day for another one of my friends at work. Another one bites the dust.

In the meantime, between waiting to loose my job and saying goodbye to friends, I'm working on a project that I don't understand. In October I was transferred to a new department, as I might have previously mentioned. I'm not really up to speed in my new position. No one around me has had any time to train me in what the new department does, and some of what I'm working on hasn't been done by my company in the US yet. So, now I have to present our 'design' (and I use the term loosely) to our customer when I don't even really understand how it works. My most recent task on this front has been to start pouring over customer specs trying to figure out what applies to this part, and how we have to test it.

I really feel out of my element on this project, and there's really no one to ask for help. My manager is in California at some seminar. Before he left, he told me to handle this. That was helpful, wasn't it? I really have to choice but to blindly stumble forward, though the current uncertainty really makes this difficult.

Perhaps the hammer will drop tomorrow. Perhaps not.